Suddenly I feel so sad, I have been keeping this to myself for more than a year and by letting it out, I hope I can let it go.

While everyone will celebrate and enjoy their wedding anniversary, me on the other side doesn’t feel the same way. Why? because of one wedding, i lost both my grand mother. My dad’s side passed away a week before my actual Chinese custom wedding and my mom’s side, a month after my wedding. Both funeral, I was not be able to pay my last respect to them due to the forbidden belief of the Chinese that “Red” and “black” can not be together. It’s my wedding, of course I am the one with the red and both of them is the black.

I still remember the condition of my grandma while she is under the care of her youngest son, she was really living in a hell as her son treat her badly. My mom once mentioned to me that she rather send her to some old folk home or maybe a nursing home like Philadelphia assisted living so that someone can take care of her. Well, of course it will be better if we can bring her back to our house, but due to the fact that we are taking care of my dad’s mom, we could’nt have a choice.

It’s been more than a year passed and yet I still could’nt have any chance to go and pay them my last respect. According to what my mom said, I can only do it when its pass the 3 years mark. It’s a very long wait ..